Candles flicker
The following passage was written by Texas Children’s Chaplain Jessica Shannon.
When we look at a candle, it often calms us. Perhaps that’s why people like to give scented candles as gifts when a friend has experienced pain, stress, and needs permission to take a deep breath. It seems as though the person receiving the candle has a light that is struggling to stay lit. Many religions use candles at times of reflection as well. There is hope and peace when we see the strong light of a candle.
The things we see in our daily lives and in our healthcare jobs are heavy enough to emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhaust anyone. And that was pre-COVID. When we are drained and running on fumes, we struggle to find joy. We struggle to see our self-worth. We are hurt by others’ comments. We have a dark cloud above us that is covering our beautiful lights and it can be really difficult to push that dark cloud away. Our lights can’t shine.
Families, particularly mothers of admitted patients, often tell us they “need to be strong.” They think that ignoring the dark cloud is a good way to cope. Through validation and guidance, my hope is to help them see that strength is truly found in asking for help. Strength is allowing yourself to cry and seeking support. Asking for help allows the cloud to slowly drift away to allow hope to creep back into our lives. We help their flickering candle shine brighter.
There is a battery-operated candle on my desk at Texas Children’s Hospital The Woodlands that is lit (well, turned on) each time a child we cared for dies, whether they passed within our walls, at another Texas Children’s facility, or at home on hospice. It is my personal reminder to remember the child and their family as we have to move onto the next patient. We move forward immediately because the culture of healthcare does not give us a moment to pause. Each time the candle catches my eye while charting or darting off to a patient floor, I remember. We need to remember. We need to pause. We need to see the hope in asking for help when we don’t have the strength to keep going.
There is no dark cloud over that plastic candle on my desk. It is a candle that symbolizes loss but also hope. It is a way for a Chaplain to pause and remember a family and to remember that we all are human. Let’s be human together, friends. When we feel a dark cloud is weighing so heavily on us that hope is hard to see, reach out to a friend. When you see someone’s light is darkening, find a way to help relight their candle. There is always light in the darkness.