By Dr. Jennifer Arnold
Soon after adopting Will and Zoey in 2013, our lives were thrown a major curveball when I was diagnosed with Stage 3 choriocarcinoma. After months of treatment and finally kicking cancer into remission, I went back to work this spring as medical director of Texas Children’s Simulation Center. Returning to my job has been a big adjustment for our entire family, but it’s also worked out for the best! It’s really important to me to raise our kids as independent go-getters who work hard to achieve their goals in life. I hope that by seeing Bill and I enjoying our careers – despite obstacles that have come our way – they will learn the value of perserverance and overcoming challenges.
Being a mom is the toughest and most rewarding job. I know everyone says that, but it’s true! It’s not easy to keep up with everything at work and at home when we have so much going on – in fact, it’s a constant challenge. Here are some of the ways that I try to balance it all:
Take things one step at a time
No matter how much is going on, I have to take a deep breath and think to myself, I can only accomplish one thing at a time. Personally, I believe my perspective has changed since becoming a cancer survivor. I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore but instead move towards the things that really matter. I also try not to get caught up in what other people think. I know that work didn’t stop while I was away, and I’m still trying to catch up. I’m really focused on getting back to some important initiatives we are working on in the Simulation Center. I am staying focused on what I think is important for the program and our institution. I’m constantly honing in on what needs to get done one step at a time in order to achieve our larger goals.
Prioritize and organize
Making lists and setting a routine works really well in my work and home life. Before kids, I didn’t think life could get any busier – well I was wrong. Life is crazy busy and it’s getting more difficult to keep up. I am not sure whether it’s residual “Chemo Brain,” the fact that I have turned 40, or becoming a new parent of two toddlers, but it is so easy to lose track of all the work and home “To Do’s” that need to be addressed. With my love-hate relationship with technology, I am trying to better harness tools to help me stay organized. There are so many new applications for your smart phone, tablet, and PCs that you can access anywhere to keep lists and project documents close at hand. Sometimes I have to do work from unusual places, so making everything easily accessible is key. When it comes to everything at home, it helps that Bill and I are pretty good about dividing and conquering! Prioritizing family, health and work is sometimes a struggle, but Bill and I try to keep each other in check. It’s hard for both of us to be away from the kids during work, but it’s easier because we have a good system in place with a fantastic nanny and family support.
Don’t feel guilty for not doing it all
Sometimes you have to say no, and sometimes it’s ok to just be “good enough” rather than perfect. My best friend recently sent me a card describing how to do this. It’s a trait that I don’t think any mother is good at, but I try to remind myself that no one is perfect. This is tough for me to wrap my head around as I am a perfectionist – both as a professional and as a mom. I have to accept I can’t do everything, and I certainly can’t do it on my own. I’m lucky to have a great support system and so many people to rely on for help. First, my husband has been my sounding board when times were tough getting back into work. Second, my parents and nanny have been essential for helping us take care of the kids. Third, all of my colleagues have been so supportive and welcoming – which has helped me transition back into the swing of things. All of these people have made it possible for me to keep my family and my career on track.
Treat yourself
This one may come as a surprise, but I think it’s important to stay balanced and happy. I need to do this more often when I am stressed out. I try to make time once in a while for something that makes me happy. It can be something as small as watching my favorite TV show or getting a manicure – but I find that attending to my needs and putting myself first every once in a while makes me better equipped at dealing with everyone else’s expectations and the demands of being a working mom. Even though I often complain to Bill that filming our TLC television show on the weekends feels like one extra burden on our very busy lives, it allows us to take time to enjoy life and do fun stuff. Instead of just hanging out at the house with the kids on a Saturday afternoon, we can do something fun we might not otherwise do. I have learned that it is ok to reserve the weekends for quality family time since I’m not around much during the weekdays. I think we’re able to appreciate our time together as a family more since we have less of it with the busy demands of my career. I still feel tired at the end of the day, but at the same time, I’m so happy to get into a routine and just be boring for awhile.
Be prepared
Having a Plan A and a Plan B makes me feel very comfortable about immersing myself back in work. Thankfully, we have an outstanding nanny. Kate is great with Will and Zoey, and with her background in child life, I feel comfortable that we have an expert to help care for our kids. But having my parents close by as a backup is also very reassuring. Zoey is much more comfortable, and she and Will are growing so much. They start school this fall so I am nervous, and at the same time, excited to see them flourish outside of our family unit.
Cancer kept me from my work for too long, but the silver lining was a lot more time with our newly adopted kids. When I returned to work, I was nervous about leaving them and not being around as much. It took me a few weeks to adjust, but I am comfortable knowing that little day-to-day issues won’t be a distraction since we have support and a plan (and a backup plan) in place.